One man’s secret heartfelt feelings on military service

The citizen reporter interviewed a draftee called "Coffee", who began his military service in a relaxed state of mind. However, after only a month he realized that the military culture was not what he had previously imagined. He found himself in an incredibly masculine, power dominated and unfriendly atmosphere. As a gay guy, Coffee is not so comfortable with collective bathing, or being forced to defecate and pee in groups while on military drills. These areas made Coffee find it extremely hard to adapt to army life. He remembers a phone call he made home once after lying in bed crying, where clenching his teeth he said: “I can make it”. When he went for a hospital diagnosis, doctors also make things difficult for him, saying: "So when did you decide to be gay?" To Coffee, homosexuality is not a choice, but part of one’s inherent nature.

After a period of time trying to bear the pressure of a huge military system and culture, it was finally approved for Coffee to have his service suspended. He is definitely not an isolated case, but the vast number of people say nothing - who would have a problem with collective bathing, such a glorious thing? Men concealing their feelings is just the tip of the iceberg, for if we explore the military system further, it is apparent that men of different qualities, are forced through a ‘male cannery’, where they are ‘normalized’. The military is a state system producing masculinity and promoting male egotism, where heterosexual hegemony in the expected norm. Although the citizen journalist’s report featured the voice of one draftee, it represents the voices of all those men who dare not speak out.

PeoPo 公民新聞

One man’s secret heartfelt feelings on military service
URL: http://www.peopo.org/news/98965

(以下是中文對照)

男言之隱 (一位役男的心聲) ( 湛藍排骨 )

公民記者專訪一位役男「咖啡」，他抱持著「去當兵看看」輕鬆心態入伍，一個月後發現軍隊文化並非先前想像那樣，而是充滿陽剛和權力支配的不友善環境，身為 男同志的咖啡，非常不習慣和男性集體洗澡，甚至到野外操課時整班還會被要求「去牆邊尿尿」，讓咖啡覺得非常不適應。他曾在被窩裡哭泣、在打回家的電話中咬 牙硬撐說「還可以撐得下」；至醫院診斷時還被醫生刁難：「你是什麼時候選擇當同性戀的？」對咖啡而言，同性戀不是種選擇，而是與生俱來的天性。

在承受龐大軍隊體制與文化的壓力下，咖啡終於被核准停役。但是，他絕對不是個案，只是對絕大說數人而言，這是個「男」言之隱；因為沒有人會覺得「不習慣跟 男性集體相處」是件光彩的事。男言之隱只是表面，更深可以探討的是「軍隊制度」將每個獨立、擁有不同特質的男性，經過一道道「男體罐頭加工廠」般的，把每 個「正常的」男性變成同樣的模子。軍隊，是國家機器裡的制度，陽剛氣質、陽性崇拜、異性戀霸權在此不斷複製與產出。公民記者僅以本片呈現一部份役男的心 聲，並希望能道出更多「男」言之隱。

為擴大服務範圍，自2010年4月起，PeoPo每周精選三則公民報導及相關活動與發展，翻譯成英文摘要，讓更多關心台灣公民新聞的朋友，瞭解台灣在地大小事。